“You have ten children? But, you look so calm!”
This is a comment that I get often. Being the mom of ten, I guess the last thing people expect me to be is calm. But I am. I am calm, cool, and always in control. At least, this is how the world sees me.
But let me let you in on a little secret. I get stressed out. I get angry. I sometimes lose it just like the next mom. Yet no one ever sees this, nor do they hear me talk about having a bad day or being tired or frustrated with my kids. Once you have more than three children you sort of lose the right to complain about things like that.
It’s true. We moms-of-many are unfairly held to a higher standard. A temporary look of frustration and impatience on my face might be mistaken for misery and an inability to handle my large brood, along with the assumption that I must be overwhelmed, when in reality I’m just having a moment. But don’t all moms have moments? If moms of two or three children can get tired, stressed out and irritable due to the demands of motherhood, then why not a mother of nine or ten?
So yes, while I do appear to be calm all the time, it’s only because I’ve trained myself to keep my cool when I’m under the watchful eyes of others. I smile. I don’t lose my temper. I’m the calm, unstressed mom. This is the facade I feel I need to keep so that I’m not judged harshly on my choice to have more than four children. And it’s working.
It’s kind of lonely this way, though. Because the thing is, us moms of many are not unlike any other woman out there who is just trying to do her best each day. And when we fall short or fail at our attempts, we want to be uplifted by the words of encouragement from other woman. We long to feel connected to our sorority, to know that our sisters have our backs. It’s the unity with other women that motivates and inspires us all to become our best selves. Perhaps by keeping up the “calm mom” facade I am keeping myself from experiencing this unity. Should I lift the veil and be myself more often? Maybe I will. I just might be surprised by what comes of it.
This coming Tuesday, March 8th, is International Women’s Day. This day will bring together women from all walks of life, sharing and empowering each other. It is a collective day of celebration recognized in over 200 countries and will be live streamed to millions of people globally! Get Connected, Get Inspired, And Get Results!
Having kept a journal from the time she could write, Katrina Roldan has a passion for storytelling. She is the owner/author of the popular blog They All Call Me Mom where she busts the myth that all moms of many are organized and patient. Katrina lives in Southern California with her fire fight’n husband and their ten children.